The Destiny Of The Doctor
by Neonluminosity
Summary: The Doctor and Clara have survived Trenzalore but their journey had only just begun. The Doctor will have to walk darker paths to find his destiny and contemplate his new feelings for Clara. Together they will reawaken the Time War, and face the Doctor's demons, to unveil another prophecy, the Destiny of the greatest time lord of them all. (Whouffle spoilers for Day of the Doctor)
1. Chapter 1

**Well hello there! **

**Many of you would have never seen my writing because I normally write Warrior cats fanfics, which many of you probably have never heard of….**

**So hello there and welcome to my fanfic! Its my first Doctor who one so please bear with me **

**Its about the journey of Clara and the Doctor from Trenzalor to Day of the Doctor and so on, this fanfic will take place from The name of the Doctor onwards, and will include the Day of the Doctor. **

**Maybe it will even go further? I don't know we will see. **

**Also because I'm a whouffle shipper, it does include whouffle, sorry you non whouffle shippers! **

**So relax and get comfy and I hope you enjoy! This is my fourth fanfic so I think I've got some experience and please do read and review! They bring joy to me :D **

**Enjoy xxxx Neon xxx **

**The Destiny Of The Doctor **

Chapter One: A Slingshot out of a time stream

(The Doctor's Time stream: Time: Unknown Date: Unknown)

The Doctor stood, agape at the sight before him. The faint mist swirled around at his feet and swished the dust slightly, he could have stared at that man for years to come, if it weren't for the precious burden he carried. He broke the intense glare with a swift glance at Clara, she was lying dormant in his arms, covered in dust and bruises, looking tired enough to sleep for centuries, but she looked peaceful, and he breathed a sigh of relief with the knowledge she was safe in his arms. He forced the lump of guilt that was forming down, he could feel remorse later, now he had to get her out of here.

When his gaze was lowered down at his companion, his head shot up when his former self spoke at last. "What I did, I did without choice." The man rumbled, his voice old, low and rough. Ironically looking far older than the Doctor, but being a younger incarnation.

The Doctor's gaze hardened, his green eyes burning into the back his echo, hatred, remorse and guilt lighting a flame of reawakened demons. "I know." The Doctor replied through a clenched jaw.

"In the name of peace, and sanity." The man continued.

The Doctor felt fury rise inside him at the man's justification for his actions, the actions that only the Doctor alone knew, because he had committed them himself. But, he did it in all the wrong ways, and had lived as a way of serving punishment for his crime.

"But not in the name of the Doctor.." He snarled, his teeth gritted against each other as he threw on final glare at the back of the shadowed man, and turned away, walking into the darkness, wanting to get as far away as possible from his tortured past.

The burning orange luminance of the faded fires where his past lives existed grew darker, as he trod further away from them, gripping harder onto Clara as he wandered. He didn't know where he was going to be honest, he just wanted to get as far away as he could from that wretched past. He had moved on, what was done was done and there was nothing he could ever do to change what he had done. He had killed them, every single one, every child, every man, every woman. Dead, dead,dead.

Eventually he found it was getting to dark to see, lost in the caves of his time stream. He looked around, listening to the patter of water echoing on the dusty rocks. It was funny that his time stream had taken the form of a cave, old, stale and ancient. Lonely. Just like him. He finally got down on his knees and gently laid Clara down on the least bumpy patch of ground he could find. Taking off his coat, he rolled it up into a ball like structure and placed it under her head.

Then he sat down beside her, cross legged like a school boy, but alert like a guard for a queen. A distant rumble told him he needed to leave the time stream soon, before it collapsed on both of them. He grabbed his sonic screwdriver and began to continuously throw it up and catch it, flipping it while it swirled through the air. He often did this when thinking, he needed a solution and fast. Most likely Clara needed attention too. He suddenly caught his screwdriver and turned to her.

She was curled up like a child, hands under her head and hair messily casted over her face, normally in sleep people flicked their hair away, but clearly her mind was too shattered to summon up the energy to do so. She had just lived thousands of lifetimes in a couple of seconds. The human body wasn't built to survive that, nor was anybody to be honest, no matter what species. He gently flicked away her hair and tucked it behind her ear, knowing she wouldn't do it herself, his hand lingered on her small head, almost wanting to feel the activity her brain was going through to know she was still there.

He drew his hand away and sighed, he was beginning to feel the effects of the day himself, his whole timeline had just been fiddled with and ripped apart to be put back together again, the pain was unbearable. His eyelids flickered and he slapped himself quickly. "Stupid, don't you dare go to sleep in here…" He muttered to himself. "Clara…Clara!" He exclaimed as he reminded himself they needed to get out. Now.

He leapt up, and hit his head with his screwdriver, making it buzz momentarily. "Come on Doctor.. think!"

"If I just reverse the current of my time stream... Then we should get pulled right out…if I can link the TARDIS with our signal…. It would be like an elastic band, pulling us back!" The Doctor rambled, finishing with a little leap of excitement.

He got down beside Clara, and grabbed her hand, along with his coat. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at no direction in particular, and with a quiet murmur of "Geronimo." He pressed the button on it and closed his eyes as a huge green beam of light began to form.

A swirling mass of green sonic energy connected with the screwdriver, and with a zap, the Doctor and Clara were flung into it like a stone on a slingshot.

….

(The TARDIS: Time: Unknown, Location: Trenzalore)

The Doctor opened his eyes slowly, almost apprehensively, his vision focused to show the familiar ceiling of the TARDIS console room. He sighed, letting out a quiet chuckle, and reached out his arms to stroke the floor of his beloved home. "Hey old girl, guess who's back.." He whispered. The TARDIS made a soothing rumble in reply, and the Doctor grinned. "Thanks dear." The Doctor smiled, loving his TARDIS even more for getting them both out of there.

"Doctor?"

His head shot up, in shock and in the process he banged his head on the console. He cried out in pain and rubbed his head, disturbing his head as he slouched to avoid hitting his head again. Carefully, he got to his feet and leaned on the console as he looked around the room. Madam Vastra, Jenny and Strax stood in a shocked semi-circle, staring at him with wide eyes and open mouths. He ignored them for a second, to search for Clara, he looked down at his feet to see her lying, sleeping still. He smiled slightly, at last letting himself relax knowing she was safe in his TARDIS. He then looked back at the shocked trio.

"Hello!" The Doctor grinned, loving their surprise.

"How…" Madam Vastra stumbled for words.

"Oh the TARDIS, sent her a signal, she locked onto it, flung us back like a catapult." The Doctor rambled, his hand stroking his ship lovingly, feeling a deep gratitude for his beautiful ship, who had saved them all again.

"Well…we all survived then, thanks to Clara.." Jenny murmured.

At the mention of her name Clara let out a ear splitting shriek. It echoed off the TARDIS' walls and drummed in the Doctor's ears. He spun around, and flung himself to the floor beside her, forgetting about everyone else instantly, and focusing on his impossible girl intently.

She was thrashing around, knuckles white and clenched, her face pale, sweat growing at her brow, she whimpered pitifully, limbs seeking out something to hold in her subconscious state. He lifted her up in his arms, cradling her like a lost child, staring down at her in horror. Her past lives were filling her brain like a mess of bees swarming inside her head. His worst fear was what about her lives that she was dreaming, he prayed he was wrong, but he knew he wasn't.

She was dreaming all her deaths.

The Doctor lifted her in his arms again and rose, just like in his time stream, he ignored the frantic questions of Strax, Jenny and Vastra and ran down the TARDIS' corridors.

Luckily the room he was looking for wasn't far, the TARDIS must have moved it closer for him, he sent a mental note of thanks to the ship and ran into the room.

He entered a small hospital like room, with clean white walls and a soft white carpet deep enough to sink your toes into, several items of equipment ranging from different sizes and used lined the walls of the room, the Doctor paced towards one, much like a stasis chamber or a MRI scanner, but with a softer interior and a force shield lining the body compartment, it had a soft golden glow and the force field moved much like gentle ripples of water. He laid Clara inside, his hands easily slipping through the golden water like barrier, and placing her on the soft inside.

Once satisfied that she was comfortable he went to the front of the device and punched in some instructions for the device to do. He grabbed a chair and sat beside her, watching, waiting.

After some time Madam Vastra came in, her green scales reflecting the soft golden glow from the chamber, as the room had grown much darker as the TARDIS set the lights to dim as evening drew in. "What did you do?" She asked quietly.

The Doctor ripped his gaze away from Clara, now looking at Vastra. "It's a mental stasis chamber. I'm hoping it will put her brain activity to a lower level, so she can simply sleep without dreaming. But it's also regulating her life levels, her heart was far too frantic and she was burning up."

The Doctor's hearts were frantic too, sick with worry for Clara and guilt churning like a storm in his belly. He was terrified what was going to happen to Clara, she could be dying for all he knew at it was all his fault. He didn't want to know what he would do if she died, he'd probably become a shell, just like with Amy and Rory, but far, far worse, never to emerge again.

"She jumped into my time stream, it tore her into a million pieces, each one, flying along to my timeline to defeat the Great Intelligence, she saved me, all those billions of times, and each time she died to save me, she fought the great intelligence and put right what he put wrong. She…Died so many times for me, and I never knew…She even told me what TARDIS to pick…" The Doctor stopped, unable to go on anymore, his head sunk into his heads as grief and torment raged through his hearts.

Vastra said nothing, she obviously had no clue of how to help the torn Timelord. The Doctor's head was hanging low, hands running through his hair roughly, as he tried to keep a hold on reality. Then, in the evil silence, a single beep sounded. Resonating through the room. The Doctor's head raised slightly, and he stared at the machine with one eye, waiting. Beep. Beep. Beep.

The Doctor slowly rose from his chair, and numbly stumbled over to the device, he stared at the screen with all Clara's vitals and data, a beautiful green line was going up and down, the line of the human heart beat, strong, proud and resistant. Clara was still fighting, and winning.

The Timelord pressed many buttons, reading the data with a lighter heart, he felt his mind come back to himself slowly as he read the encouraging news, Clara was mending, in fact the machine was telling him she didn't need to be in there anymore.

The Doctor slowly reached into the golden shield and lifted Clara, cradling towards his body. Vastra said nothing, and silently left the room. The doctor in a daze of relief stumbled down the corridors nearer the console, until he found a room perfect for what he needed. It was the first door closest to the TARDIS console, it was a large room with medical supplies, food and drinks and a huge bed, with a variety of blankets to choose from. The carpet was very deep and soft, the Doctor flung off his shoes and laid Clara onto the huge bed. Taking off her shoes, and wrapping her up in the covers, he placed the blankets all around her to make sure she was warm, and put her head gently on a soft pillow. This room had just been created by the TARDIS and the Doctor found himself getting further into debt with the ship, but he felt gratitude towards his home.

The Doctor pulled a beanbag up to the side of Clara's bed, having no intention of leaving her, he sat into the beanbag, sinking deep into it, finding it perfect for his childish side. With a last look at Clara, he was satisfied she was fine for now. She was sleeping peacefully and hadn't even uttered a word in her slumber, her mind was at ease and her face looked childlike in its peace.

The Doctor smiled and eventually gave in to the longing of sleep that he had been fighting back for hours now, he closed his eyes and within seconds his head dipped into his shoulder as he sank into the darkness of unconsciousness.

**Thank you for reading! Please review and fav and all the love! The next chapter is coming soon! **

**Neon xxxx **


	2. Chapter 2

**The Destiny of the Doctor**

**Chapter 2: Falling in several ways**

She was falling. Down and down she fell, screaming all the way. Into the fire and into the life sucking abyss that would rip her into pieces. She was dying, so, so many times. Over, and over and over. Tears cascaded down her face, the pain was unbearable, like liquid fire was raging through her veins. She was falling, swirling through the fire as she fell, feeling herself be cut up like thousands of scissors were ripping her apart for arts and crafts. The pain was tremendous, evil and unbearable. She wanted to die, but was plagued by the knowledge that death would never come to her. No. That would be far too kind.

Suddenly, it stopped.

Clara looked around slowly, suddenly feeling her dream slip away. The nightmare was fading, along with her terrible memories, sighing, her dream faded into a whisper, a faint sigh of content relief. It was over.

Her mind was slightly open, and she began to hear glimpses of reality, her eyes flickered when she recognised the Doctor's voice, subconsciously she curled deeper into his arms when he carried her. Snuggling closer into his arms, and listening to his double heartbeat. Eventually she was sucked back into a deep slumber when the gentle rocking of his gait and drumming beat lulled her back to sleep.

….

The Doctor jolted out of his sleep, breathing quickly, and harsh gulps of air being sucked into his lungs franticly. He ran a hand through his hair slowly, sighing as he did so. That night he had dreamt of the time war, his secret, and even the Ponds.

He decided it must have been the mess with his timeline yesterday that had awoken his most traumatising memories. He shuddered visibly, and glanced at Clara. His bad dreams were whisked away when he saw her sleeping still, colour evident in her cheeks and taking strong breaths as she slept. He smiled briefly, but the terror of the night was closely haunting him, leaving him shaken and emotional. He silently lifted himself out the chair, keeping as quiet as possible to not disturb Clara. Trudging out the room slowly, and with a final glance at his sleeping saviour, he went in search of Vastra and Jenny and Strax. Guilt at abandoning them and leaving them unsure of everything clawed at his stomach. He had completely disregarded them, and left them to fend for themselves in the TARDIS.

He found them in the console room, talking quietly, well Jenny and Vastra, Strax was walking around the console room with a feather duster, cleaning stray dust away from the walls of the console room. Any other time the Doctor would have laughed, but the toxic mixture of exhaustion, worry, guilt and torment had made the doctor's face plain, casted in sleepless shadow. He emerged from the darkness of the TARDIS corridors, shy and shamefully. Staying close to the dark.

"Doctor!" Jenny exclaimed, slightly shocked and pleased.

He felt the gazes of all three of them burn into him, he glanced at the floor, looking at his still shoeless feet. He slowly glanced up, cringing when he looked at Vastra. Her green eyes stabbed him in the chest, judgemental and annoyed. She had full right to be so, he only could blame himself. "I'm sorry." The Doctor croaked. "I shouldn't have just ignored you all like that.."

"Well I would have appreciated some notification on what you were doing. But I understand, you needed to help Clara." Vastra growled.

The Doctor smiled slightly. "Thank you."

"The TARDIS fed us and made sure we were well looked after." Jenny said brightly. The Doctor smiled and stroked the console gently, was there anything his ship couldn't do? Or wouldn't do?

"Of course she did.." He murmured.

"Sir, how is the boy?" Strax asked, the doctor was shocked by his obvious concern, and when he looked at the other two, the same concern was mirrored in their own faces.

"Sleeping. She lived thousands of lives in a couple of seconds, I don't know how that's going to play out when she wakes up." The Doctor sighed, leaning on the console, his face shadowed. "I can drop you home now if you like?" He whispered, trying to maintain a strong image but failing badly.

"Yes that would be nice." Vastra murmured. The atmosphere was tense and fragile, everyone hurt in one way or another by the recent events, and no one really knowing how to react or talk about them. So a still silence swept over the room as the doctor, slower and with less life than usual, walked around the console in a circle, pressing buttons and setting coordinates. The reassuring hum of the TARDIS lengthened into its huge groaning breathing as it took off into the time vortex. The doctor stared at the console most of the time for the duration of the flight, with the occasional glance down the corridor to Clara's new room. He didn't like being far from her, especially in her condition, he had barely been out of Clara's company since he had found her again that day when he was a crazy monk. He would always skip to the next Wednesday, as soon as she shut her door once she was back at the Maitland's. For her she'd have to wait a whole week before he returned, the doctor realised she was going the long way round, and with a frown he realised if that continued one day he'd go to pick her up, and she'd look different, older, done things that he would never know nor be part of, most of all, their time together would be far shorter. The doctor hated that thought, his grip on the console tightened as he imagined losing Clara again, his head turned to the corridor, frowning in pain. He tried to remind himself she was fine, ok, with him, but was she fine? He had no idea how she was going to react when she woke up. Would she leave him?

The simple thought made one of the doctor's hearts skip a beat in fear and anguish. He begged for that to never happen.

"Doctor?"

His head snapped up, he forced a smile on his old, troubled face and left the console slowly. "Well here we are, home sweet home." He opened the door of the TARDIS, letting light flood into the room. The three passengers stood looking at him fearfully, even Stax. "What is it?" The Doctor asked.

"Doctor you need someone, not Clara, someone…to take care of you both, until your fine again. Not a new face, and old one. Not someone who will get in the way of your relationship, just one of your family Doctor." Vastra pleaded.

"What relationship Vastra?" The Doctor asked, a slight blush tinting his face and making his hearts beat faster. Vastra was implying he felt emotions to Clara, of course he felt something to Clara, and she was his best friend, his impossible girl. But the dreadful implications of what Vastra was implying, and his own reaction to that secret question, secret suspicion that she had been working at since she met Clara with the ice lady. That the Doctor could have felt more than friendship to Clara? He mentally slapped himself, of course he didn't Clara was Clara, Vastra was simply mistaking his concern for something else. Yes of course. The doctor told himself, surely that was it. But no matter how hard he tried to push it down, in one corner of his mind, one that whispered quietly, not loud enough for him to register it, but enough to have a nagging sensation, there was the feeling that Vastra was right, that the Doctor, the oncoming storm was indeed falling for the impossible girl.

"Nothing Doctor. But you must know who I mean." She stared at him with a challenging green gaze.

The Doctor's head was spinning he realised who Vastra meant, who she believed could help them both recover, and to be truthful, there was no one else who could do it better. "Vastra you know I can't…I-it would hurt too much."

"You know I'm right. You must see them, they will help you Doctor."

The Doctor breathed out slowly. His shoulders sagged as he leaned on the doors of the TARDIS. "Vastra… I can't. It hurt so much to lose them before, I can't see them again to be reminded of how much it hurt. I run. I always will."

"Just think about it Doctor…. Goodbye and thank you." The lizard woman said, leading her odd family out of the TARDIS and closing the door slowly, leaving the doctor in the faint green glow of the TARDIS.

The Doctor rested his head on the door of the TARDIS, breathing deeply. Vastra was right, he needed his Ponds, but how could he tell them River was dead? Also, how would he even find them, he couldn't land safely in that time zone.

He turned around to face the console, illuminated by the green glow of his beloved TARDIS, he looked at the screen of the display. His eyes welled up but no tears fell as he clenched his fists to remain strong. A picture of Amelia Pond smiled back at him, his face went white, it was like seeing a ghost. He rubbed his hands together, anxiety kicking in. Without a second thought he pulled the lever of the TARDIS, knowing the coordinates had already been set, and closed his eyes as the machine began to rumble, lifting off into the time vortex.

**Please review and follow and all the jazz. **

**I'd like to thank you all for the follows and the views and everything! Clearly the doctor who fandom is more generous in this way than the warriors one! :D**

**Thank you! **

**Neon xxxx **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Criminal tragedy

**Warning, I may cause much feels within this chapter**

**ENJOY!**

The TARDIS landed with a gentle thud, the rumble of the machine faded into silence, leaving the ship tense and apprehensive, the Doctor looked at the door with a mixture of foreboding and excitement in his ancient eyes, wondering yet again if what he was about to do was necessarily right or wrong.

He ignored the bustling bubble of questions and doubts forming in his head as he walked over to the display on the console; '24-12-1938, Earth, Milky way galaxy' He stared at the screen for a few moments and punched the air in delight, he was just outside New York, so he'd avoided all the time scar tissue and paradoxes, but he was close enough to get to the Ponds quickly. "Perfect!" He grinned. Now he had to go and get Clara, well that was if she wanted to go, or could even.

He walked down the TARDIS corridor slowly, his gait lacking its usual bounce and excitement, it held more dread and heaviness of pressure and perhaps anxiety, he found Clara's room quickly, leaning on the door frame as he looked in. Clara was lying still on her bed, the covers wrapped around her tightly, as she gripped onto them with tremendous force, her mid-length chocolate brown hair was cascaded over her pillow, eyes still shut in slumber, her face was tight, jaw clenched and her whole body was tense. The Doctor rushed over to her, concern growing steadily, he knelt beside her, brushing her messy hair away from her small face, keeping his hand on the back of her head protectively. "Clara" he whispered, nudging her shoulder slightly but with extreme care to wake her up gently. "Clara, wake up.."

Her eyelids fluttered, and she let out a slight murmur as her brain waded its way out of slumber, the Doctor's concerned frown evaporated as her hands loosened their grip on the covers, and he smiled kindly as Clara's wide brown eyes locked on his own, somewhat surprised and hazy. "Doctor?" She murmured, a smile did not grow on her face, making the Doctor's falter.

"Morning Clara! I've got somewhere we could go, for you to rest." The Doctor pushed, trying to keep a happy smile in the hope her own scared face would become more like his own.

"Who says I need to rest?" Clara snorted, as if to prove the point she climbed out of bed, and got to her feet quickly, the Doctor was pleasantly surprised by her strength, that was until she suddenly collapsed, legs buckling and fingers outstretched, she would have fallen to the ground if the Doctor, being so intent on her, caught her with ease.

"I do Clara." The Doctor murmured, lifting her into his arms, he carried her bridal style to the console, much like he had done the previous night. He rested her on a chair that had appeared due to the TARDIS, and leant on the console to face her. "So, where is this resting place chin?" Clara asked, a glimmer of her old flirtatious cheek evident in her brown eyes.

After frowning at her from the 'chin' remark, he wrung his hands together wondering what she would say to his suggestion. "Well…Vastra suggested I take a visit to some old friends! Let us recover for a little bit, then once we're fine and dandy we can head back to the TARDIS and well… do whatever."

Clara frowned at him, making him gulp immediately. "So, you're suggesting that we are going to dump ourselves of some of your friends? That's so rude!" She protested, hands on hips.

The Doctor sighed, and knelt down beside her, facing her with a pleading half smile. "Clara, you know you're not ok. You can't even stand! You need to rest and have some time to get all these memories sorted out!"

"Why can't you help me with that hmm? What's bothering you?" Clara asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. The Doctor's eyes lowered, not wanting to meet her stare, she knew, she always did, and he was terrified that she would look in his eyes like an open door and see what really was motivating him to go to the Ponds. The fact that he was damaged too.

"Clara, I had to go into my own time stream, for one it took a great amount of energy to do so, and to be honest I'm knackered, but I had to relive everything that happened to me again…" His voice faded away, and his head bowed in shame of his lack of heart. The soft touch of a hand on his shoulder made him slowly look up into Clara's eyes, his breath faltered at the amount of understanding and kindness in her dark brown eyes.

"Doctor, the moment I touched the leaf you sent, I saw it's whole journey in a flash, I saw my Mum and Dad and the leaf's journey up to me, I relived my Mum's death, and I understand. You have lost so many and to see that again must rip you apart. If seeing your friends will help then that's fine with me." Clara warmly, it was a bittersweet moment, both of them relishing the fact they could reach on each other for understanding and comfort, but both of them knowing the other was suffering deeply inside. "So.." Clara said after a long pause. "Who are we visiting?"

"Oh, Amy and Rory, the Ponds, you remember them of course?" The Doctor sighed, while getting back up to his full height.

"Well yes, but..you can't go back to them. You said so." Clara reminded him.

"Rule 1?" The Doctor smiled. "Technically I can't land in New York, too much scrambled timelines, much like scrambled egg but a bit more…timey…" He rambled, looking up and his eyes a haze as he became lost in thought. Clara coughed quietly to bring him back on track. "Anyway! That doesn't mean I can't land outside New York and get there some other way! The reason I said I could never go back was partly the timelines but, I had their graves at my feet and once you read time it's fixed in stone, this time quite literally, that was their destiny from now on. Besides, I'd screwed up their lives too much already…" He stopped, looking at the ground awkwardly.

"Come on then." Clara said eventually. "You do know where they live don't you?" Clara asked.

"Of course!" The Doctor replied, taking her hand and leading her out of the TARDIS with an excited step, but still maintaining a slow pace for Clara's sake.

…..

After a considerable amount of time, jumping from one mode of transport to the other, the Doctor, and an exhausted and irritable Clara made their way to the street that the Pond's lived on. They had been a mixture of transport to get to the location, including a slow car drive, (cars weren't that advanced in the 1930s) and the pair of them were relieved to see their destination was tantalisingly close. Clara suddenly stopped, wobbling slightly as her arm unlinked itself from the Doctor's. "What if they're on holiday or something?" Clara queried.

The Doctor laughed. "Trust me Clara, my TARDIS wouldn't bring us here on this date if they were on holiday. Well possibly if it was just you, since she doesn't seem to like you…" The Doctor smirked.

Clara's face evolved into a scary pout. "Hey! It's been getting better!"

Before the Doctor could reply to ridicule her more, a large zipping sound streaked past the pair, leaving the street in a hushed silence as the two time travellers both realised a bullet had flown past them.

"That was close!" The Doctor whispered, still quiet from shock. He looked at Clara checking she was ok, he scanned her over, and she seemed fine. Well she was until her wide, frightened eyes dilated and rolled back into her head as she fell to the ground with a whimper.

"Clara!" The Doctor screamed, plucking her off the floor and cradling her in his arms, his hearts hammered franticly as he ran in the direction of Amy and Rory's apartment, throwing caution to the wind as he sprinted loudly down the darkening street, the setting sun casting an ominous blood red shade into the stormy clouds above. His ears picked up no following footsteps, and he continued running despite laboured lungs and the stray tear forming in his eyelids.

After what seemed the most painful lifetime, he reached the door where Amy and Rory's flat was, he ripped the door open, slamming it to avoid any pursuers, and leapt up the stairs, the number of the flat he needed so much ringing in his head like a mantra. When he reached the door, panting like an exhausted Labrador, he slammed on it, causing a huge racket to get his oldest friend's attention as soon as humanly possible. He didn't dare look at Clara, he could tell from the wetness of his cheeks that he was already in despair, one look and he didn't know what would happen. _Is she dying? Is she injured? Did it hit her heart? Oh please oh please no. She can't die, not Clara, Not MY Clara…._

The Doctor's eyes closed as he let a tear roll down his cheek, he hated how emotion controlled him, he always hid them, always, but it seemed with Clara's life on the line it was too much to bear, it pained his hearts to ask why she affected him so much. The sound of creaking wood made him open his dark green eyes, they locked on that of his oldest friend for this incarnation. Amelia Pond, the girl who waited, the girl from a fairy tale.

The pair gaped at each other for a few moments, lost in the realisation they were facing each other. "Raggedy man.." Amy whispered, long ginger hair slightly messy and in her pyjamas, she stared at the man she never thought she'd see again. But then after the pure shock of his presence subsided, she noticed the tears in his eyes, and finally the small girl wrapped up in his arms, and the blood clinging to her leg and his purple tweed coat.

She moved out the way and pulled him inside, shouting Rory's name and slamming the door. Numbly, the Doctor listened to Amy's instructions and placed his precious burden on the sofa, he knelt down next to her, clutching her hand like a lifeline as Rory examined and worked on her. For the first time the Doctor appreciated Rory was indeed a doctor, a proper one, that knew all humany things.

He felt rather dazed and unfocused as the commotion played out around him, focusing only on the faint beat of Clara's pulse throbbing against his hand weakly.

It was when the tiny pulse faded away when the Doctor finally let out his inner torture and screamed.

**As I said, feels XD**

**However, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE FOLLOWS, FAVES, REVIEWS AND ALL THE WONDERFUL JAZZ, THANK YOU SO MUCH I NEVER EXPECTED SO MUCH AWESOMENESS!**

**AND WE'RE ONLY ON CHAPTER 3 :o **

**Also I hardly described how they got to New York cause well, they don't exactly teach 1930's New York at school :/**

**Oh well, please forgive me :D**

**Merry Christmas and a Happy new year everyone!**

**Till next time**

**Neon xxx **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Never been so heartbroken**

**THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWED, REVIEWED AND FAVED AND EVERYTHING THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE ALL BEAUTFIUL THANK YOU XXXX **

**Enjoy the chapterrrr **

Amy sat on the sofa of their new apartment, staring out the window at the driving rain as it hammered against their thin windows. It was three months after they had been left in New York, and they'd learnt to make the best of it. At first, they had nothing, but with the help of a kind elderly couple, she and Rory had learnt about their new home, and had got jobs.

To be honest 1930s New York was really fascinating, like an endless adventure with the Doctor. Except, her raggedy man was gone, her family, friends, everyone. She only had Rory left.

But her husband had looked after her, becoming a Doctor and earning enough money to help them move into their new apartment, and buying Amy a typewriter to chase her dreams of being an author. Amy often pondered about writing down her adventures with the Doctor, deciding to start off with her own original novel 'Summer Falls' which she had just begun to write, then start a series inspired by the crazy man in a blue box.

Rory and Amy had moved into their new flat, fully integrated into New York, with new friends and a new life. But the only apartment they could afford was in a rather dodgy area, and crime was abundant. Luckily, she and Rory were saving up to move to a nicer area, and Rory had been promoted recently, they would soon be out of here.

She leant into Rory's comforting arm, who was almost asleep as the rain numbed them both to the world with its rhythmic drumming. Her eyes had fluttered closed when the door was hammered with urgency. Amy jolted into action, getting up slowly and glancing at Rory with an unsure expression, gathering up the bravery to open the door to who could easily be a robber.

The door knocked again, the hand behind the wood strong and frantic. Amy quickly opened it, deciding to stop the tension and cut to the chase.

Her heart stopped.

The man standing at the door was distressed, soaking, his huge chin dripping with rain, a darkened purple tweed coat, a bowtie, sagging as it soaked, his hair, a huge flop of brown hanging over the side of his stupid face.

The Doctor. Raggedy man. Her best friend.

His eyes stared into hers, just like her wondering if she was real, but no joy was held within them.

But this wasn't the Doctor she was used to, his eyes were red and still wet with tears, his face curled in a frown that begged for something and needed hope, as if he had just lost everything he had cared about, much like the day he realised she was saying goodbye to him. Her heart broke to see him so terrified and in tears. She glanced down and realised why, he was carrying a girl, soaking wet, with shoulder length brown hair, but his tweed coat was coated in scarlet blood, and so was her leg.

Numbly she pushed him inside, shouting at a dumbfounded Rory (who was mumbling something along the lines of 'is that the Doctor?!') to get his medical supplies and helping the Doctor get his friend onto the sofa.

Once the girl was settled on the sofa, hardly reaching each end, (she seemed quite small) The Doctor knelt beside her, holding her hand and bowing his head, mumbling softly, gently, as if consoling a loved one. Amy watched, fascinated, he had changed since she last saw him, he was showing his emotions, crying openly, broken even. Staring at this girl she didn't know with such devotion and dread it managed to pierce her heart with empathy, the words he mumbled to her, she couldn't quite make out, but eyes softening when she saw the Doctor lay several gentle kisses to her hand, holding it like a child's most precious toy.

Rory came and managed to push the Doctor way from the girl, but he still stayed as close as possible, kneeling down and rubbing his hands in agitation. As Rory worked, Amy pondered on giving the Doctor a hug, or any consoling, but he looked so distressed that she doubted going near him would be a good idea.

Rory stopped working and glanced at Amy, his eyes were dark, they shared a message in their minds, and Amy didn't have to ask to know she was dying. Amy motioned at the Doctor, Rory following her line of sight, he nodded and backed away, letting the Doctor shuffle towards the young woman.

He grabbed her hand, biting his hand as he choked back tears, face stained red and damp, making horrible croaking sounds as he cried. Amy watched his fingers dance to her pulse, and instantly knew the Doctor was desperately wanting her to live, despite all the odds stacked against him. Suddenly, his crying stopped, in fact he stopped breathing. His thumbing fingers froze, and his eyes stared at his friend's face in horror. "Clara. P-please C-Clara no…" he whispered.

Suddenly his head ducked down and he crouched in a tight circle like position, his fists clenched and hair hiding his face, as finally, the emotions that had been building up inside him, exploded in one almighty scream of utter torture and heartbreak.

….

The Doctor was numb, the coldness in Clara's wrist had pierced his soul, shattered his very being, allowing his emotions to spill out like a broken dam, in a scream that he didn't care who heard, his tears flowing more than he had done in hundreds of years. He wasn't aware of anyone, just himself, and Clara's DEAD body. He knew CPR wouldn't work, nothing would, and he didn't even have the TARDIS.

He finally looked at Clara's face, now growing pale, her hand lying limp on the sofa. He pulled her off the sofa with more care than the most precious baby, and laid her on his lap, hugging her into his chest, gripping on her with arms fierce with agony. He didn't know anything, only pain, anger and utter loss. His eyes were blurred with tears running down his face, his hearts ached along with his head, as the fact that Clara was dead, truly dead, ran through his mind. He gripped onto her harder.

What would he do without her? His impossible girl, Clara Oswald, Soufflé girl, his saviour. It was all his stupid fault, all of it. The bullet hadn't killed her, oh no, it was her trauma from his time stream, she was still weak from that, and getting shot in the leg just pushed her over the edge.

The Doctor wondered if he had ever been so traumatised by anyone's death, he found himself coming to the conclusion that he had never been in such agony until now, he'd rather die a million times over than suffer through this. A future without Clara wasn't worth living. He wondered about just ending it, he was on his last regeneration, it would be easy.

He suddenly realised whenever someone close to him died, he had always kept a glimmer of hope, the tiniest spark, but now, it was gone. The reason was simple, he had been avoiding it for so, so long. Convincing himself it wasn't the reason, but it always had been.

He loved Clara.

And that made it even worse as he gave into even more tears.

…

Amy and Rory watched the Doctor as he pulled Clara off the sofa and clutch her close, she shared a teary glance with Rory, grief for the Doctor filled her heart, and helplessness filled her guts from the inside out. The whole display was awful, the Doctor, reduced to an insane pile of emotion, holding his dead companion in his arms, as he cried without shame into her shoulder.

"I've never seen him so upset." Amy whispered to her husband.

Rory reached for her hand, gripping it tightly. "What do we do?"

Amy looked at him with tears brimming her eyes. "I have no idea."

…

_These wounds won't seem to heal__  
__This pain is just too real__  
__There's just too much that time cannot erase___

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears__  
__When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears__  
__And I held your hand through all of these years__  
__But you still have__  
__All of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone__  
__But though you're still with me__  
__I've been alone all along_

_-__My immortal- Evanescence. _

The Doctor had settled into a position where he was leaning against the sofa, with Clara still in his arms, he had stopped crying now, only because he had no more tears left to shed, his eyes were dark, shadowed by his hair and the growing darkness in the room, rimmed with red along with his red face. He stroked Clara's hair, feeling it brush through his fingers. One more tear managed to form in his eye, and rolled down his cheek in a perfect tumble of glittering water. His hearts were slowly beating, barely any life in them, just beating because they had to, not any life remained in his body, a shell of his former self.

"I'm so sorry Clara. So, so sorry. It's all m-my fault. All mine." He whispered. "And I never knew, well I did, but I never admitted it, only until it was too late. That I care for you more than just a companion Clara, of course I do. You jumped into my time stream, you brought me back to life after the Ponds, and you made me chase you across all time and space. How could I not love you? But now, you'll never know." He whimpered, too quiet for Amy and Rory to hear.

A groaning sound made the Doctor raise his head, a song that was plastered onto his hearts, and echoed in his dreams as he slept, the slightest smile, just the corners of his lips turned upward, as a light shone through the darkness of the room, and under that heavenly light, stood a beautiful, blue box.

The TARDIS had tried to destroy New York, just to get to her heartbroken thief. His eyes widened as the TARDIS doors opened, and a golden light floated into the room, sparkling like glowing dust in a sunbeam, but millions of times brighter.

The light drifted towards Clara, wrapping itself around his impossible girl, the Doctor stared in shock, too tired and distraught to catch on with that his ship was doing, soon Clara was illuminated in a golden glow, seeming much more alive than what she actually was. It focused on her leg, surrounding the bullet with a heavenly glow. The bullet evaporated, along with the blood, and the wound in Clara's leg. The light receded back and returned into the TARDIS, with a soft thud as the doors closed.

The Doctor stared down at Clara, feeling for her wrist, he felt the slightest thump, thump of a beating heart. His hearts leapt in elation, and he turned her hand, to find a message in the same golden glow as the light earlier, reading; "Cry no more thief." It faded as soon as he read it.

He stared at Clara's face, his eyes forming more tears as he searched her face for any sign.

"Hello chin."

…

**WOOO IT ENDED HAPPY.**

**All will be explained in the next chapter, but basically the TARDIS just risked New York to save Clara XD **

**WOOO GO TARDIS**

**Maybe she isn't such a cow ^^ **

**But wasn't that sad? I really wanted to show how distraught the Doctor could be if Clara died, soooo..**

**BUT**

**THANK YOU FOR SO MANY FOLLOWERS AND FAVES AND REVIEWS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU OMG THANK YOU XXXX **


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